19 Ridiculous Questions That Hawaiian Tourists Asked

Please try to keep a straight face or else the education system has failed us all

Einstein said it best two things are infinite the universe and human stupidity, however I’m not sure about the universe.

I don’t know if I can answer these questions if someone would walk up to me seriously.

I mean like come on where are you coming from?

Ah, yes, the ol’ “floating island” dilemma. Turns out, we strapped it down with some really strong rope. Seriously though, islands aren’t rafts. They’re the tops of massive mountains. So unless the Earth’s crust decides to go for a stroll, we’re pretty stable here.

Sure! Just as soon as you invent a car that can also fly, float, and fend off sharks. Until then, you’ll need a boat or a plane—your Honda Civic won’t cut it.

Nope, we hired Disney animators to make it feel more magical. Yes, the fish are real! They’re not out here for your amusement—they’ve got fish things to do.

You think we’ve got a guy with a switch like it’s a lava lamp? Volcanoes don’t run on schedules. Kilauea erupts when it feels like it—nature’s got her own clock.

Oh, no, not all the way. We like to keep a corner dry just to confuse people. Of course the water goes all the way around! That’s the whole point of an island. If it didn’t, it would just be a beach with trust issues.

Only if you’re Aquaman’s second cousin. The islands aren’t floating like lily pads—they go down to the ocean floor. So unless you’re packing some superpowers, better stick to swimming around.

Only if you’re planning on taking a wrong turn and ending up in Japan. Otherwise, no! Hawaii is the 50th state—surprise! You’re still in America, my friend. No need to bring your passport, just your sunscreen and a sense of direction.

Oh, the bridges? Right next to our unicorn crossing. There are no bridges, my friend—this isn’t some budget version of “Mario Kart.” If you want to island hop, you’ll need a plane or a boat. That’s how real islands work.

Yep, Diamond Head is totally fake—just like the moon landing. No, it’s real! If you don’t believe me, hike up it and see how fake your sore legs feel.

Altitude? I don’t know what kind of snorkeling you’re planning, but most of us do it at sea level. Unless you’re hoping to snorkel in the clouds, you’ll be staying nice and low—just the way the fish like it.

Whales don’t live in caves, my friend. They migrate to Hawaiian waters for vacation just like you do. No caves, just wide-open ocean.

Fish do sleep, but I don’t think they’re tucking themselves into tiny underwater beds. They sort of float and rest, like the laziest swimmers you’ve ever seen.

Totally. We wear grass skirts to the grocery store, the bank, everywhere. Kidding! We wear normal clothes, though you might see a grass skirt at a luau.

Well, considering the lava made the island, I’d say yeah, it’s pretty local. We’re basically built on the stuff—lava is as Hawaiian as pineapples and leis.

Oh yeah, we’ve got guys out there with buckets of blue dye just splashing it around. Or maybe—just maybe—it’s the clear water and white sand doing that naturally. Mother Nature’s got this!

Yes, we use U.S. money. No seashells or coconuts here. You can even pay with a credit card, just like the mainland—imagine that!

You could try, but unless your jars come with Photoshop, good luck. The ocean’s colors change because of depth and light, not magic potions. Stick to photos.

Nope, we’re trapped here. Just kidding—we’ve got airports, planes, and the whole thing. We travel like everyone else. We’re not marooned on an episode of Lost.

Nah, the sun prefers to set in the back like it’s shy or something. It always sets in the west, behind the clouds if they’re in the way. Sorry, no special effects available.

Bonus Round!

Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

Only if you’ve got a jet that breaks the speed of sound. Alaska is thousands of miles away, folks. Hawaii’s part of the U.S., but it’s not exactly next door.

Yup, grass huts with great Wi-Fi. Actually, no. We live in regular houses and apartments—though the views are way better than most places!

An iceberg in Hawaii? Yeah, if global warming went completely off the rails. No icebergs here—our boats are more worried about coral reefs than freezing.

Coconut water is great, but we do have running water here. Hawaii isn’t some tropical version of Survivor—we’ve got tap water, too. Fancy, I know.

So did you manage to read these “intelligent” questions with a straight face? I couldn’t.